There’s something great about listening – “you’ve got the job!”

We are in tough times; you don’t need me to tell you that but I am just setting the context here. We need to be here for each other and better at listening. Partly as we are working more online and also listening is fundamental to ‘humanology’. I’m no expert though have a few stories:

Dave, you’ve got the job

Over twenty years ago I was being interviewed for a construction director job. John who was interviewing me said “we’re just about there Dave but out of courtesy I need to put a call into Henry, it’s a formality”. Henry was the Chairman of the Holding Company. An interesting character as I would discover.

A few days later John rang me and said “the deals off, Henry wouldn’t have it, he said you were too young”. And that was that.

Three years later, set up as a team coach, I contacted John doing a bit of marketing. He had nothing for me but said Henry might. A week later I was in front of Henry in his grand wood paneled Board Room.

From WW2 fighter pilot to conglomeration owner

He sat me down and for three hours told me his life story: ex WW2 fighter pilot, how he built the conglomerate of companies he now owned, how he hated the banks and consultants who don’t deliver and a whole lot more. It was a fascinating story; he was fascinating and I listened and said no more than ten words in the whole three hours.

At the end of which he said, “right, you are a wonderful person Dave, you’ve got the job, you can start on Monday, I will sort all the money and you will be happy with it”.

Shocked, I explained that I didn’t want a salaried job and that I was an independent coach and wanted to stay that way.

His reply was terse “Dave, that’s never going to work for you, come back to me when you are out of cash and the job will be waiting for you.

To my knowledge he knew nothing about me though I listened to him for three hours. Apparently, that was enough.

His job was to put people under stress

More recently I was listening to BBC Radio 4 “You and Yours”, it’s a consumer dial in hosted by brilliant Winifred Robinson. The episode was about mental health.

One caller, another John, told how he had a “nervous breakdown” five years ago and while he was much better now, he never went back and took retirement. He explained that as a manager he thought his job was to challenge his people, to put them under stress. And unfortunately, his boss had the same approach and challenged him till he broke.

Winifred gently asked “John if you could go back to that time what would have helped you?”. After a long pause John replied “If I’d had someone to talk to, someone who listened to me, I think I would have been alright”

Even knowing this I still talk too much

A good listening probably got me a job offer and could have saved John’s career and suffering.

Even knowing this I still talk too much. Though there is good news. I have a useful ‘tool’ for listening.

It’s called WAIT. It stands for Why Am I Talking. How good is that!!

I write WAIT at the top of my page before I start a conversation. And there it is, challenging me to shut up and listen. It’s working.

• We work online with leadership teams who go on to deliver remarkable results. Our Discovery Day is a great place to start this work and a good listening is guaranteed.