Working with a coach (Part 1) – a challenge for managers and leaders
[The challenge is right at the bottom]
Years ago when I was a manager my coach said to me “Dave your communication is the response you get”. At the time we were working on my communication skills. I explained to her that I’d spend ages drafting memos (this was before e mail) yet seemed to get few responses. By skillful challenge she helped me realise that no response equals no communication or at least ineffective communication.
A short while later at the annual do I asked Gary at the bar – ‘how come you never answer my memos?’ He replied “oh, I just think, it’s another one from Dave …. that’s going straight in the bin”. He’d had a fair few beers! It hurt though got me thinking about that ‘no response’ realisation and how I might connect with people more effectively.
Gary’s feedback jolted me to assess my effectiveness and my inquiry into connecting with fellow human’s led me to become a coach.
Nowadays as a coach my job is to support and challenge managers and executives to deliver extra-ordinary business results. I do that by asking questions. If the conditions are right and I ask the right question in the right way for their circumstance my client will think and respond and take action to get to where they want to be – their business result.
Recently I’ve been thinking about how people respond to my coaching questions and have mapped a continuum from refusal at one extreme to a great response at the other. Here’s what it looks like:
No response or blank refusal – ‘Dave I am not going to answer that’
Misconstrues coaching – ‘Dave I’m paying you to give me the answers’
Shoots from the hip, first response, bats it back, little thought
Gets defensive
Deflects the question, changes the subject, cracks a joke, talks lots of background and detail
Good point Dave, I’ve noted that
Hmmm, that might be worth thinking about …
Right! I am going to think about that ….
Silence, deep thinking ……
Engages in exploring the question and reveals deeper thoughts and insights
Curious and open to challenge, wants to experiment, to try things out, commits to action and later shares feedback so we can go further
This ‘map’ isn’t extensive, it’s not academically proven. I have just made it up and am going to use it to raise my awareness of the responses I get. And then somehow work on establishing better conditions for my coaching and asking more effective questions. This is me raising my game as a coach, which is the never ending prerequisite to helping my customers achieve ever bigger results
Twenty years on from when my coach challenged my communication I am starting to realise “my coaching is the response I get”
Oh, by the way, this might apply to management and leadership – maybe your “leadership is the response you get” or “your influence is the response you get”. What would you do if that was the case?