Gary, you are stuck
From bitter personal experience I recognise the signs. You have withdrawn into yourself. You are oversensitive to comments and are not listening to the people that care for you, including your boss by the way. Your ‘everything must be perfect, do it all yourself’ approach is no longer serving you. The evidence is clear – pressure is mounting and your 60 hour week is not clearing it. It’s obvious to me that you are stuck and as your ears are shut I thought I would appeal through your eyes and write to you. My intentions are honourable – I care for you and I’m committed to your success.
I have been stuck many times and mostly was not aware I was stuck. I suspect you don’t believe me, thinking I’ve got it sussed, so here are some examples – none to do with work as I know how good you are at countering them.
At 16 golf was my life. I was offered a job as an assistant pro at my local club, but my Dad said, “No, get a proper job”. I didn’t argue too hard as I knew deep down it wasn’t the future for me. Losing my temper, breaking my clubs, I wasn’t handling the pressure and my advancement had levelled off. I even dropped out of county coaching after one lesson as I knew best. I was stuck. Long hours of practice hitting balls on my own seemed to add to my frustration and I stopped playing by the time I was twenty. Even now people still say “what a waste”.
In my early twenties I was a runner. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t improve my times for ten miles and half marathon. My answer was always to up my mileage, effort and determination. The result – three Great North Runs in a row frustratingly close to my best though not better. Again I was stuck. Suffering with an over-use injury, the specialist told me to swim and cycle to lessen the impact. So I tried and then got into triathlons. Two years later I beat my best time for the Great North Run by five minutes and the year after by eight, both on dramatically fewer training miles. I also beat my ten mile best by four minutes that year and was injury free. I had smashed my ten mile and a half marathon times by doing something different – cross training.
Then in my late forties I got stuck with my swimming. I was in a routine of ‘blasting out’ a mile every time I swam and no matter how hard I tried my times were getting slower. I was worse than stuck; I was going backwards. My usual approach of more time in the pool with increased determination wasn’t working. In fact after one ‘flat out’ mile I keeled over in the changing rooms. When I recovered I admitted to myself I was stuck and there was no future in this approach. I stopped and researched options and adopted one which involved totally unlearning my self-taught free style technique in favour of an all new stroke. Six years on and with the help of a brilliant coach my swimming is transformed – easy, nearly elegant, and I’m getting faster again.
About five years ago I started to slow down on my bike. My back was stiff and I struggled to maintain a streamlined position on the drop bars. Again, forcing it using willpower and determination just seemed to result in slower times and more visits to my chiropractor. Again, I was stuck. Sue my wife suggested yoga, which I passed off with some derogatory comment. She kept nudging me until I eventually gave it a try. I now do yoga every day and can maintain an effortless flat back on the drop bars when cycling. And at 55 I’m getting faster.
The lesson for me in all of this, and in as many business situations, is when I’m stuck working harder, faster and longer doesn’t pay off. It actually magnifies the stuckness and it also damages my health and performance. And how do I become unstuck? Well, I’m getting better at recognising when I am stuck and then I stop and do something different, though often complimentary, like yoga for cycling. I also know when to get help, for example my swimming coach.
So what do you think? Press on or exercise different muscles? If any of this resonates and you want to talk with someone outside your situation and in confidence then please feel free to give me a call.